Confessions of a False Convert

I traced the steps back, every one of them in my mind asking myself “where did it all go wrong?” I searched intently for answers, but what I found was only more confusion. These are the confessions of a false convert, the truth of my real conversion and the life I once led, covering myself in nothing but lies. In understanding any of what has already been said, this story starts back in 1998 where my false conversion began to take its toll.

Sometime during 1998, a good friend of mine invited me to a youth group where I would play games, listen to a talk and confess myself a Christian. I hated the games; I really thought they were irritating in many ways. I enjoyed listening to the biblical talks and stories that were shared. Unfortunately for me, most of these talks only went for about twenty minutes. My first night was when I decided I wanted to be a Christian, but this was after a response question, something that was on my mind during the talk that one of the youth ministers had said. “What are you living for?” it was a question that rang over again and again in my mind. I tried answering this question I found there was nothing I was really living for, at least nothing that was eternally glorious!

After my profession to be a Christian, I was given a bible and I settled down in an Anglican church for a while, not far from where I lived. I still didn’t get Christianity, I attended church and I went along to bible studies, youth groups and even became a youth leader at one stage. But I was different, O, how the cup looked clean on the outside but the inside was filled with dirt to the brim!

My lust was a growing endemic. I was never really convicted of my sin, never really repented of my sin either. I was happy to play church, to fool people that I was a Christian and by fooling people I myself became so good at lying that I mislead myself! No one ever brought a bible to me and said “I think you’re in sin brother!” No one ever convicted me with a hard word, and most certainly no one ever thought of removing me from the church since I was happy to dwell in this sin (1 Corinthians 5:11).

So life as a Christian was pretty good, I was myself and people accepted me which was a problem for me since I never had many friends in school. But like a stone thrown in a glass panel, during 2009 everything changed. This was the hardest year I’ve ever faced in my life, and this was the year God revealed Himself to me.

At the beginning of the year I lost my job, my parents lost their jobs and I had lost both my grandparents whom I loved very much. My life was spiralling out of control! I went back to finding pleasure in computer games and my lust grew even worse. I had no money, I sold my DVD’s on Ebay just to put petrol in the car. I had to drop my carpentry course, I faced the worse depression that even to just simply get out of bed was too much an effort for me.

But I remember when it all changed, I cried out to God in tears. At the time I was looking for work on the computer but it was like something powerful just told me to pray. And I did, and I prayed like I never have before. I said “God, I have nothing! I have absolutely nothing and my life is nothing unless you are in me!” The second I said amen, I received a phone call asking if I was still looking for work. I was so nervous about this interview, that I forgot to take my resume with me! Two hours later I got the job and I praised God with all my heart! I wanted to give to God everything He’d given to me! I devoted so much of my money to a short term mission trip to East Timor and it was one of the greatest experiences of my life!

I was a false convert for twelve years, conditioned to a Christianised culture whereby I could attend church, youth groups and meetings and have everyone fooled that I was a believer. I had very little desire to pick up my bible; I just went along with the flow. It’s devastating that this happens in the church! God’s church, God’s holy bride! I am one example of many out there who think they’re Christian but may very well be conditioned to a culture instead of having God interrupt their life.

My prayer is that someone would read this note with great intent. That someone would stop and ask the question “are we doing things right?” My prayer is that this testimony would be a wakeup call to churches out there that run big youth group events. My life is not the same; God has impacted my life now and continues to do so. I can’t go a day without reading God’s word! I can’t go a day without spending time with my Lord.